The Book’s layout.
 

This book is written half as an encouragement to other ADDers, half as a plea for greater understanding of ADhD, and half to allow non-ADDers to understand life through an ADDers eyes.

 

To help the book flow as naturally as possible, I have confined as much ‘technical’ information as possible, to links that you can click on or endnotes at the rear of the book in the form of general overviews of various topics such as specific symptoms, common outcomes, etc. A painstaking method was used to determine the details to be presented as footnotes and those presented as endnotes. The short ones are footnotes and the long ones are endnotes.

 

This way, there is something for everyone. The person who already knows everything, is free to read straight through the story, reflecting insightfully, on what an ungrateful, rebellious result of bad parenting and excessive sugar intake, the central figure is.

 

For the rest of us less gifted folks, the Detail Sheets are there.

 

Marching to the beat of a different drum.

I was waiting in the bathroom, having been sent there straight after school, to wait out the hours ‘til Dad came home from work.

It would be another belting at least, or if Dad agreed I’d been bad enough, it would mean no dinner and straight to bed after the belting.

 

Either way,

at least after I went to sleep, I wouldn’t feel so useless anymore,

- so tired of always being wrong,

- being just - one step out all the time.

- with nothing to show for all the trying;

The pain will go away, and the soft quietness will come.

 

Forty years later as I looked out at a giant Gum tree at my back door, I looked for a long time at the rope, up which a vine had started to train itself.

It couldn’t be so hard,

surely…

But,

what about my children?

Would they ever understand?

 

Either way,

at least after I went to sleep, I wouldn’t feel so useless anymore,

- so tired of always being wrong,

- being just - one step out all the time.

- with nothing to show for all the trying;

The pain will go away, and the soft quietness will come.

 

Almost 50% of adolescents attempting suicide, have one thing in common. They were at some stage in their lives diagnosed as having Learning Difficulties in many cases, associated with ADhD

 

There are many thousands of individuals, living, as Thoreau put it, “lives of quiet desperation”, and for these individuals, the reality and relentlessness of their condition is only now becoming evident.

 

There would be many others better qualified to write this book. The major credential I have, is that I was there when it happened.  I could have chosen so many other stories to include from my own personal experiences, and while some of my experiences may not meet your taste requirements, they don’t reflect the worst, just the most salient.

 

ADhD is a disorder with a number of subsets.

We are used to hearing term like Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C etc. ADhD comes in different subtypes as well.

Also, ADhD may be present with other associated conditions, such as depression, anxiety, learning disabilities, substance abuse, conduct disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, oppositional disorder and others.

However, although possibly present with other disorders, ADhD has clearly defined symptoms in both children and adults.

 

Many people's first reaction when told the symptoms of ADhD is that they are symptoms experienced in life by everyone at some stage or other, and this is, in fact, perfectly true. But if you take almost any human characteristic, be it physical or mental, and run it out to the extreme, then you have disorder instead of order, disease instead of ease.

 

We are all forgetful at times. But when experienced in the extreme, it becomes a condition, amnesia.

 

Take several characteristics, and do the same, and you have a serious condition.

It is not just the occurrence of symptoms, but to what degree they affect everyday living, that determines a diagnosis of ADhD

 

Typical treatment of ADDers includes not only treating the cause (usually through medication), but also introducing practical techniques and adjustments for working around the disorder as well as the coping mechanisms that we generally rely on to get us by. 

 

Hallmarks of ADhD

 ADhD is the acronym generally used to refer to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I have used the full acronym to include all subtypes of the condition. The lower case “h” simply means that the hyperactivity component is not universal. Diagnosing physicians may classify ADhD by subtype; of which the common ones are:

 

1	Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulse Type (more prevalent in males).
2	Predominantly Inattentive Type (sometimes referred to simply as ADD, and more prevalent in females).
3	Combined Type

 

ADhD has been recognised and treated by professionals for over a century now, but its treatment has changed over time to respond to new information resulting from continual research. This means that we have an evolving understanding of ADhD in much the same way that decades earlier we had an evolving understanding of other conditions which are now fully understood.

The 3 most distinguishing features of ADhD are impulsivity, distractibility, and hyperactivity.

 

Thinking Styles

The most obvious of the effects of ADhD on normal functioning, is in the area of cognitive processing, or simply put, thinking. By this I mean, the process of how we as humans learn, assimilate, file, and recall information.

Cognitive processing for most people looks something like this.  Input – perception thinking – learning and memory storage – retrieval.

 

Normal Learrning Process

 

1.	New information is received.
2.	This information is considered and weighed against what is already known of this topic.
3.	The information along with any new thoughts as a result of it, are filed in memory under THAT TOPIC.
4.	The new knowledge acquired is on hand, when and as I require it.

 

Because of the way their brain works, ADDers sometimes achieve (1), are incapable of consistently, successfully achieving (4), invariably process (2) so differently as to be unintelligible to most normal people, and file most information (3), laterally rather than vertically. By that I mean, that while most people file information in a manner that keeps all the data on one topic together, building logically on previous data, (thinking vertically, ADDers often seem to think laterally. Here is what cognitive processing looks like for them.

 

ADD Learrning Process

 

 

1.	New information is received.
2.	This information is considered and weighed against everything else that was happening at the time they received that information.
3.	The information along with any new thoughts as a result of it, are filed in memory under ANY TOPIC most enhanced by this new data.
4.	The new knowledge acquired is on hand, when and as I require it.

 

Most people use a centralised memory storage system.

ADDers use a decentralised memory storage system.

Most people add to their knowledge base by adding new information to a given topic.

ADDers add to their knowledge base by joining the dots ACROSS ALL TOPICS.

Most people reason deductively.

ADDers reason intuitively.

Most people are thinking creatures.

ADDers are imaginative creatures.

Most people focus their attention in order to reason.

ADDers defocus in order to reason.

Most people do what they do naturally.

So do ADDers!

Is it any wonder that a pin up list of ADDers reads like a who’s who of celebrated creative thinkers, who at some time in their lives were derided as lazy daydreamers? As one ADDer put it “we make conceptual leaps that leave tunnel visioned, step by step sequential thinkers in the dust”. While true, this comes at an enormous cost.

 

The following is how ADDers see life coming at them.

 

 

When an ADDer assimilates new data, a fly on a book in a shelf just over the teacher’s shoulder (that’s the shoulder with the food stain), occupies the same degree of significance as the new tie the teacher is wearing, the fact that it is raining, and the new calculator owned by the girl on the far side of the room.

OH! AND the new information.

 

The new data is liable to be filed under either flies, stains, neckties, chewing gum, calculators, girls, shoulders, shelves, books or the taste of the gum I am chewing at the time. Retrieving data filed in this manner comes with its own rewards, good and bad.

 

The “hurry up” factor

Probably the most obvious of the 3 biggies of impulsivity, distractibility, and hyperactivity is impulsivity. I call this one the “hurry up” factor.

The human brain is configured with a circuit breaker between impulse and action. This is designed to allow reflection before action, and for this, relies on memories of previous experience and outcomes.

In an ADDer, the signals go out asking for information from past experience, and and due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, return unanswered.

 

Imagine in the inner space of the brain, a huge spaceport. one of the spacecraft moored there sends out a signal to the control tower. The signal reads, “Can we go?” And due to a trick of the atmosphere all they get back is an echo of their signal. In fact, all they get back is the echo of the last word of their message, “GO!” Pretty soon, chaos reigns. But that is what happens in the brain of the ADDer.

 

The chemical process that handles inhibition in a normal healthy brain, is either severely minimised, or simply absent in the brain of the ADDer. 

Impulse becomes action without any filtering or deliberation.

Saying “think before you act” to an ADDer is about the same as saying “look before crossing the road” to the blind.

 

To get an idea of just how problematic impulsivity can be, ask an ADDer to set a digital clock/watch, then sit back and watch the fun. Invariably, the “hurry up” factor will kick in, and our ADDer will fly right past the correct time only to have to go right through the 24 Hr cycle all over. By talking to them at the same time you can enjoy the repeat process up to 6 or 7 times before they forcibly evict either you or the clock. My money is on the clock. A life of impulsivity means a lot of spilt milk. Years ago, a church ministers wife told me, “Beres, what you have to say when you preach is really good – it’s interesting and topical, and it’s right on the button. Problem is, you're so unpredictable.” This was after I had distributed some chickens feet I had gotten from the Chinese butchers to make a point. Hint; when a Pastors wife goes to shake your hand, don’t hide a chickens foot in your palm and respond with that rather than your own hand.

 

If ADDers were impulsive but predictable it might be easier to deal with but they aren't. Impulsive PLUS distractable = unpredictable!!

Impulsive simply means that you know the frog will jump at any moment.  Factor in “distractible” as well and now you have a frog that will jump towards or away from the last thing that got it's attention.

That’s unpredictable.

 

The “Calling all channels” syndrome

Attention Deficit Disorder is probably misnamed.

ADDers sometimes experience a deficit of attention.

ADDers mostly experience a surplus of attention.

The disorder could perhaps be more accurately referred to as Unpredictable Attention Disorder, or even Mental Filtering Disorder.

 

I have lived life like a television with all its channels open simultaneously; and I find it exceptionally difficult, and sometimes even impossible, to selectively screen out unwanted information. Not only that, but also, to me, each channel calls for equal attention and immediate response. Layer that over with impulsivity and you can see how ADDers fly from one to…

 

now where was I?

 

Today I had trekked into the City, to a Gov't department where I asked for a passport application, the lady behind the counter pointed them out to me then I asked how much it would cost.  She  pointed to the place on the wall where I could find the relevant price for myself. I thanked her and made off towards the price list.

What happened next was interesting.

I picked up the right form and left the Post Office full of thanks without reading the charges.

I got home and realised that I still didn’t know what it would cost to lodge.

Now when I arrived at the Post Office, my mind knew I was there to (a) acquire an application, and (b) discover the cost.

Somewhere in the middle of it, my mind settled for the answer to the question “Where is the cost” in place of the one “What is the cost”. I got in my car went home only to realise that I had only done half the job.

That happens many times a day, every day.

In this particular instance, it will cost me extra fuel and extra time. It costs me more in resources than the average bird, just finding the worms, let alone catching them.

Remember! ADhD is not about a disability to pay attention, but an inability to filter out irrelevant information and focus on what is at hand.

 

The “hot ants inside my bones” thing

Hyperactivity is not fun for anyone, least of all myself. For me it is an absolute constant except when hyperfocusing. It is like being itchy inside my bones.

All my bones.

All the time!

It is as if, my body is full of ants trying to eat their way out. I have to move. Places to go, things to do, people to see! But don’t ask me what I have achieved at the end of the day, because I probably can’t tell you.

ADDers can outdistance that which is running after them, but not the thing that is running inside them.

 

Fast food usually isn’t, or at least not to me.

I often go into a snack bar and ask if they had anything hot to go. If they have to warm it up, cook it up or serve it up, I will often go without a meal rather than wait.

My description of Hell? Waiting in a queue at McDonalds. Statisticians have figured that the average adult will wait in queues for 5 years. NOT the ADDer! No way! ADDers would rather walk around a store for 30 minutes than wait in line for 5.

One ADDer explained it as “living in bullet time”. ADDers believe generally, that anything worth doing is worth overdoing, and if some is good then more must be better.

My office always has always been communication and information centred. In fact, optimal working conditions for me is when I am writing an assignment, listening to music, surfing 4+ websites, watching TV at the same time, listening to talkback radio and the phone is ringing.  Rats! Still under-stimulated!

 

To the ADDer, the rest of the world move like a turtle with a ball and chain. High-speed activities are a magnet, and as children we can stay focused on TV or computer games for hours on end giving rise to endless, but understandable, accusations.

Have you ever heard, “That kid is just lazy. They can play computer games whenever they want to, but clean their room...”? 

Humans have been conditioned to an interest specific, age tailored medium, (TV) that has been custom designed to keep the human brain cued in for the maximum number of 3-5 second action shots which are then slung together and called a “show”. Check it for yourself, and see how many camera shots or voice bytes exceed the optimal 3-5 seconds length, even in as sedate a program as the news. Of course, as the ADDer matures, the increasing need for speed means that channel surfing becomes a must.   Computer games are even more of an invitation to the ADDer as most games move as fast as the ADDers ability to keep up. Early in my discovery of ADhD, my friend Arthur, a psychologist, pointed out to me, that  the reason I could concentrate for hours at a time over a computer game, was that it was one of the few things that could pace my ADhD mind.

 

Hyperfocusing

One of the most deceiving things about ADhD and the reason ADDers will often hear people say that they just aren’t trying hard enough, is because they experience the ability to perform better than average for very short periods. They cannot maintain it, and they cannot produce it at will.

As one person said, experiencing ADhD is like having several clocks in your head all travelling at different speeds. Mostly when you look at these clocks they look just like those clocks in hotels that are showing you the time in New York, London and Sydney. But because they are all moving at different speeds, once in a while they ALL line up on exactly the same time and travel almost totally in sync for a short time. When that occurs, I can do anything to which I set my mind. I can read faster than you, think clearer than you, piece things together better than you, and beat you at most thinking games. This is not just talk. It’s true. It seems as if hyperfocusing somehow enhances all my talents and skills. I often feel it coming on when I am experiencing an interesting challenge for the first time. In my case, after I have mastered it, I often can’t be bothered with it any more.

 

For example, I discovered while I was quite young, that I was interested in music. All thing musical intrigued me. I had one year of formal tuition before the teacher told my mother, “The girl is pretty good, but you’re throwing your money away on the boy”.  Well, I played out the back yard while my sister put in hours of heart and finger breaking practice. My mother had a way of getting value for her shekels, so when I say heart and finger breaking, just believe me. Four or five years later, I could see that there might be a future in playing music, as girls seemed more than mildly interested in boys who could make music. Somehow, I taught myself from listening to the radio and other people, how music should sound. I started to get it, and then to formulate my own rules for how to sound like the pro’s. I didn’t “practice” but I practiced. I seemed to be able to pick things up fast and had no problem concentrating for as long as it took to get a complex riff down pat.

Some time later, after I felt I could do most things I needed on 3 or 4 different instruments (percussion, wind, and string) I didn’t bother practicing any more.  Years later, I found myself working at the Australian Academy of Music, then called the Canberra School of Music.  There, I mixed with real musicians. One day I was swapping stories with the resident cellist, a fascinating guy who thought nothing of walking onstage with the Canberra Symphony Orchestra in a full tuxedo with tennis shoes. He had been taught by Pablo Casal, who had been taught by Czerny (that’s right, the same guy who had invented all the scales my sister had practiced), who had been taught by Lizt. (GONE Chopin, took the Lizt, Bach in a minuet.)

One day on a break, as I was messing around on one of the studio pianos, this cellist asked me who my teacher was. I knew what he meant, but out of embarrassment from not being able to read a note of music, I invented some answer and moved away. I could learn music! I just learned differently.

 

It was a precursor of the time I would play a venue in the hometown of Peter Allen, onetime husband to Liza Minelli. I was there at the invitation of a colleague who had been born in the town and whose mother was a highly respected piano and violin teacher. It was town’s centenary and Peter Allen, the golden haired homeboy, was unable to make it.

Rob and I interchanged brackets as we entertained the dignitaries. On one of my breaks, one of the town matrons asked me if I would adjudicate in the keyboard division of the upcoming ‘Tenterfield Eisteddfod”, a long established festival of some renown.  Here was a fix! How could I tell this doyen of the local set that she had just asked someone who couldn’t read a note of music to judge trained musicians?

 

When the clocks aren’t lined up, you wish everyone else would talk faster because otherwise you lose track of what they're saying. Life seems like one long and pointless detour, where you are forced to live in slow motion just to relate to everyone else. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as hyperfocusing, and one of the benefits of effective medication appears to be the ability to line up those clocks at will.

 

While hyperfocusing, ADDers operate at what seems to them to be full capacity. For myself, this can last from moments to hours, and feels like heaven. I can manage mountains of error free output and can stay vitally cued in for up to 48 hours. It is as if I have switched over to a different kind of power source; a super power source. When the clocks all line up, ADDers can do in minutes what in their normal state, would take them hours or days to complete, if at all.

 

The Noise

Another phenomenon that many ADDers report is the noise. We each seem to have our own words to describe this effect. I call it "INNER CLAMOUR". It is probably part of the hyperactivity, but very little information exists on it in spite of how common it seems to be amongst ADDers.

Imagine standing in the middle of a clearing in the forest. There is a huge storm with massive wind whipping everything up. What I feel inside me is the sound and the sensation of the trees being whipped up.   I seem to actually feel the sound. It's like having a whirlwind in your mind. Everything seems to be blowing around and nothing stays put.

 

ADDers refer to this effect as “internal noise”, “static”, “interference”, “white noise”, “background noise”, and other things. The only time I am not distracted by the inner clamour is when I am hyperfocusing. The rest of the time it is there loud and unclear.

While you are speaking to me.

While you are giving me instructions.

While I am trying to remember something.

When I am being loud.

When I am being intimate.

While I am trying to go to sleep.

Especially when I am trying to sleep.

 

Some people say that the reason bag pipers walk when they play, is because they're trying to get away from the noise.  It didn’t work for me.

 

Just as significant and noticeable, is how many ADDers report that some medications can erase the noise altogether. When I first discovered this, I was amazed to discover that non-ADDers experience the absence of this noise naturally. Wow! What a bonus.

 

Learning Disabilities

ADhD and LD (Learning Disabilities) are not the same thing. They are distinguishable, yet related, each one exacerbating the other.  Surveys reveal that 50% of ADDers will also have LD. Sometimes the terms ADhD and LD are used interchangeably for this reason. In a recent Time Magazine, a list of celebrity dyslexia sufferers reads name for name the same as a list of celebrity ADDers.

Most people have no idea how to best appreciate just how devastating learning Disorders can be, so here is an interesting experiment. But first a little background.

 

Tasking

The normal brain learns tasks in such a way that makes it possible to multitask certain common activities.

 

Associative tasks. (Tasks we can handle more than 2 of, at the same time.)

Most people can change gears, work the clutch, turn the steering wheel to go round a corner, recognise the song on the radio, and talk to their passenger, all at the same time and without any danger to any of the cars occupants.

NONE of it takes that much thinking about. It just happens.

 

Cognitive Tasks. (Tasks we can handle only one of at a time.)

Now let’s add just one more ingredient to this scenario.

This time, before you can change lanes or do anything about it, you notice that the car in front of you is losing oil all over the road, and now you are driving into it.

The car starts to slide, and even though you are slowing down you are painfully aware of slowly drifting towards the cars parked on the side of the road.

Notice a couple of things.

Firstly you aren’t talking anymore.

Secondly, you have probably yelled at your passenger to “turn that screaming radio off”!

And now instead of calmly changing gears without giving it another thought, your foot is wavering over the brake, throttle and clutch simultaneously, not quite sure of which one to push.

What has suddenly happened?

Now, instead of driving being an associative task, it has suddenly become a cognitive task. You are thinking about every move you make.

At other times, have you ever noticed that sometimes you have turned the radio off, so you can pay more attention to your driving? You are driving cognitively.

 

Go ahead and test it out.

Here’s a game that a family can play that will demonstrate this effect very clearly.

Have a group of 4 or 5 people tell a story with each person contributing a sentence or 2. Anyone can start it, but as each person adds to the story, they must stay with the storyline that is already going.

 

Simple, right?

That’s because it doesn’t take a lot of thought. You could easily do something else as well, couldn’t you? That is because speaking is an associative task.

But wait ‘til we add a twist.

Now try it again, but THIS time, make it a rule that the winner of the game is the person who has gone the longest without using a word containing the letter “N”.

 

What do you hear?

Adults suddenly speaking as if they don’t have a very good grasp of language.

 

Go on and try it for a moment, even if you are by yourself.

Why is it so hard?

Because you have done something you have always taken for granted, (speaking as an associative task), and turned it into something that requires all your attention, (speaking as a cognitive task).

Now to add some real spice to the game, and give you just the smallest taste of what it is like to be an ADDer. (Remember? Sometimes they can and sometimes they can’t.)

 

Have 2 of the people who are not taking a turn, chatter incessantly to the speaker, telling them that “you just aren’t trying hard enough”, or that “others can do this easily – but you’re just being stupid”, or whatever comes to mind.

 

Did that help the speaker do you think?

Then ask the speaker how that affected them.

Shaming fails miserably, doesn’t it? Yet ADDers hear that every day, through negative self talk as well as from teachers, family, and friends.

 

Here’s another fun trick.

Try offering the person speaking some money to speak at normal speed and make no mistakes.

Any Takers?

NO?

Motivation doesn’t work either?

Funny that! Yet how often did I want to just plain die, while I was systematically degraded and dehumanised in front of my class mates, by a teacher who would invariably complete my shame rather unoriginally by telling me that I just wasn’t trying.

“I’ll let you go to break early if you can do it….. “

“I’ll keep you behind if you don’t….”

When disorder and not disrespect is the source of the problem, shaming and motivating are equally pointless.

 

COACHES

There are practitioners, coaches, support groups and others, who coach ADDers in practical techniques and work-arounds that help deal with the effects of the disorder. These succeed to varying degrees.

 

For example, most people at one time or another, realizing that they might become distracted from their day’s priorities, make up a list to help them get everything done.

A responsible ADhD carer will encourage the ADDer to make making lists a lifestyle habit. So far, so good. 

After I realized the effects of ADhD on my behavior, I did just that, and I made some truly great lists.

I still have them in fact… never read them… but they’re around somewhere.

 

For an ADDer to benefit from making lists to get around the problem of distractibility, they first have to get around the problem of distractibility in order to REMEMBER TO READ THE LIST THEY HAVE ALREADY MADE!

It is like storing a disabled person's crutches on top of the cupboard that they can’t reach without their crutches.

 

And so an effective ADhD carer or coach is one who will teach the ADDer how to habitually

remember

to remember

to read the list.

 

Throughout my story I refer to the peculiarities of ADhD as I have experienced it.

Throughout, I have referred to people with this disorder as ADDers for short.

 

As this book is not intended as a definitive guide to the condition or the treatment of ADhD, it is important that you develop your knowledge base first hand from reputable, credible sources.

 

If someone you love has ADhD, then get support and do it quickly. They may carry it, but you're probably the sufferer. Just being with others like yourself, who are discovering that exciting alternatives are out there, will help you.

 

There are many good places to start. But I will just mention three. Wherever you are in the world, the resources of the US based organization, C.H.A.D.D are available to you on the internet at www.chadd.org . Start there. I also recommend Dr Russell Barkley and

Dr Hallowell.

 

As ADDers, we live our lives from moment to moment, like an explosives expert whose cutters waver between cutting the red wire or the blue, every time making the wrong choice, until at last, I for one, put down my pliers, refusing to play the game anymore, and counted down the seconds to oblivion.

 

Most people learn after one or two mistakes.

Not ADDers.

I've been run over by a car, knocked over by a tram, deliberated over by a judge, passed over by girls, laughed over by acquaintances, fondled over by a church elder, scoffed over by teachers, despaired over by parents and prayed over by my grandmother.

 

And that was just my first year of high school.

 

But in spite of how that sounds, life has been very good to me.

Welcome to my world.

 

Don (Beres) Bartlett